This site is about Borderline Personality Disorder. 

 After years of addictive behaviors, chaotic relationships and emotion regulation problems I was diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder. 

I sought help from a therapy called Dialetical Behavioral Therapy.

After this treatment I no longer meet the Criteria of BPD and am in recovery from it. 

This website is here to help you understand BPD and help in coping with it, as well as sources to learn more about borderline personality disorder and where to get help if you have it, or are in a relationship with someone that has it.

From Eclipses, behind the borderline personality disorder.

"You’re going along fine, and suddenly WHAM! You’ve hit a brick wall and there’s nowhere to run, no one to understand.  You scream, tear out your hair, take over the counter pills to calm down enough to stop crying at night.  The next day, you get up, sluggishly.  You go to work and get the job done.  You might even fake a smile every now and then to keep up the facade..  You’re okay.  You’e like everybody else.  But, you’re not.  The darkness is back.

You suffer from BPD and you hurt inside, so you begin to hurt yourself outside to match those powerful hidden emotions. 

Yeah, make your arm bleed, bang your forehead on the headboard, harder, harder! Scream at those you love until, they slink off, terrified of you, the traitors! Burn your fingers on the stove, prick your hand with a pin over and over. 

Scary?  The world of the borderline is a scary place, where logic as most people know it, is eclipsed.  It is a place where emotions rage wildly, often with self-harmful, if not fatal consequences.  It’s a place where there are only black and white answers, where people are either good or bad."

Melissa Thornton..

About this author:

Melisa Thornton is a writer who went through an inpatient DBT program at Highland Hospital in Asheville North Carolina.

"How can people who want to be liked by others abuse those whose acceptance they want until relationships with them are dismantled?  This paradox puzzles those who must live out its curious logic: “I want to be accepted by you.  I want you to like me.  I don’t know what it feels like to be accepted and loved.  Everyone that loved me hurt me.  I don’t want to be hurt.  I must survive somehow.  No one can love me because I hate myself.  I don’t trust you.  If you say you love me, you are lying to me so you can exploit me.  I’ll exploit you first.  I hate you (because I believe that you will treat me the way my family treated me).  But I need you to survive.  I’m confused.”

"These thoughts make up a borderline twister or swirling thoughts and accompanying emotions.  It pushes its sufferers toward any and all actions that will help them escape from its deadly path.  Its logic can be brain numbing in its twists and turns.  An understanding of it might go like this: “If I look for your acceptance while subconsciously fearing that you will not accept me and will in fact use me, I will pick up on even the slightest signs of non-acceptance (or use) of me.  I will then react with anger and misuse our relationship.  My anger (and use of you) will confuse and anger you and you will eventually reject (or use) me.  After this happens time and time again,  I learn to take what I can from my relationships because I have come to expect that they will all end badly for me”.

"The borderline twister creates a cycle of failure.  Failed relationships, jobs, and living situations increase mental agony and the need to escape suicidal thinking and actions, which produces further lifestyle failure.  The borderline cycle of failure, crisis, agony, escape, and failure continues until help is sought and accepted".

Joseph Santoro from the book "The Angry Heart"

"The first thing you can teach your child..."To love himself/herself!"

Self love is the most pervasive and essential of all skills.  Unless you have the capacity to cherish your own life, you can never become deeply alive - even to fullfill your own capacities.  It is the first lesson we learn from the moment we are born, and we learn it from the way we're treated by the first people who care about us.

In view of how much we love our children, it should be easy to give them a sense of self-love, but it doesn't seem to work out that way.

Some of us have difficulty communicating the difference between being "bad" and being "human".  The puritanical notion that everyone is either good or bad, and that children must therefore be taught to be good has probably caused more human misery that anything else.

We are born with fairly equal parts of devil and angel, and what matters is learning to live with that truth.  We must also learn controls of course, but not by denying that the impulses exist of making children feel like sinners.  The child who's made to feel bad develops self-hatred, and that interferes with learning, living and loving more that any other psychological problem.

Once a child feels cherished and protected, he can begin to feel compassion for others".

Eda Leshea.

Author

What is BPD?

BPD is extremely difficult to understand, one minute the person seems one way (loving, kind), they may even put you on a pedistol..  But the next moment they will turn verbally aggresive, possibly physically aggressive. 

For someone that is not borderline, it becomes a real roller coaster ride, and it is difficult  to try to understand where these emotions are coming from. Many Spouses, Children, Co-Workers are confused by these actions.

I'm here to tell everyone, that is either borderline or is in a relationship with a borderline, there is help for everyone.

What is BPD?

Identity disturbance: self-image or sense of self persistently and markedly disturbed, distorted,or unstable.

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

Affective (emotional) instability due to marked reactivity of mood.  Intense, Episodic dysphoria(depressed mood), irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days.

A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

Inappropriate, intense anger or lack of control of anger.

Frequent displays of temper

Constant anger

Recurrent physical fights

Transient, stress related paranoid ideation(feelings of persecution) or severe dissociative symptoms (discontinuity of experience)

Impulsiveness in at least two areas that are potentially self damaging:

Spending

Sex

Substance Abuse

Reckless Driving

Binge Eating

Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats

Self - Mutilating behavior.

From the Song "A perfect goodbye"

"Sometimes is all the time, and never means maybe"

"I just don't belong, so I am moving on"

Written and performed by Shelly Phipps (Prouty).

Being borderline wrecks the world around the borderline, relationships become chao's in the lives of those around them. 

It is hard for those with this disorder, they want the relationships to work, and yet they are often  the cause of destroying them.